Another quote from Ruthless Trust - I've posted part of this quote already, but today the sentences after the part I quoted particularly hit me, so here goes:

The heart converted from mistrust to trust in the irreversible forgiveness of Jesus Christ is redeemed from the corrosive power of fear. The existential dread that salvation is reserved solely for the proper and pious, the nameless fear that we are predestined to backslide, the brooding pessimism that the good news of God's love is simply wishful thinking--all these combine to weave a thin membrane of distrust that keeps us in a chronic state of anxiety.

The decisive ... conversion from mistrust to trust--a conversion that must be renewed daily--is the moment of sovereign deliverance from the warehouse of worry. ~Manning, 7~

The phrase, "the nameless fear that we are predestined to backslide," particularly resonated with me today. I often experience that undercurrent of fear, hear whispers that say "I'm not following God well enough," "I'm not doing enough to cultivate my relationship with Him," "I used to be more faithful and more spiritual," "God is going to give up on me if I don't start working harder"... Those terrifying whispers haunt many of us, I suspect, creeping into the depths of our souls and instilling a chill where once there was warmth.

But these whispers are not the whispers of the Holy Spirit. God does not desire His children to live in constant anxiety that they will be cast out of His kingdom, un-adopted former heirs. When I think I am mistrusting myself, saying, "I'm not able to do this spiritual thing! I'm going to fail!" I am actually mistrusting the Lord, implying that my ability to go wrong trumps His ability "to keep [me] from stumbling and to present [me] before his glorious presence blameless and with great joy" (Jude 24).

It's a long road, this way of trust... but well worth the journey.