A Case of the Shoulds

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the number of things I'm NOT doing: making appointments that need to be made, cleaning my room, checking in on friends who I know have been having a hard time, reading books that have been loaned to me, etc. Sounds silly, right?

But life is always full of "shoulds," both from the surrounding culture:

• I should go 'green' in every aspect of my life
• I should exercise every day
• I should buy this or that product so that my life will be complete
• I should pay attention to all the scientific research as the benefits of this or that food (açai berry, anyone?)
• I should read multiple news sources every day so as to stay up on what's going on in the world
• I should know what's going on in the financial world so that I can invest my money appropriately
• should, should, should

And also from the Christian subculture:

• I should read my Bible more
  
• I should pray more
  
• I should care more about God
  
• I should volunteer somewhere where I can help the poor
• I should be constantly growing in faith

Should, should; more, more!

Not everyone is as hypertuned to the shoulds of the world as I am -- and paying attention to should isn't all bad. However, if I get overwhelmed by shoulds to the point of paralysis, that's a problem. And slavery to shoulds is antithetical to grace.

So what's the solution? For now, maybe just a prayer of release:
Lord, I feel worthless because I cannot keep up with the shoulds of my life. Thank you that you've got me anyway, and that your grace is greater than my false guilt as well as my true guilt.

I guess the shoulds "should" point me to grace -- and that ain't a bad thing.

As much as I disagree with him on certain points, I try to respect John Piper as a faithful servant of God -- really I do. But things like this make me very nervous and a more than slightly sad. I've been thinking a lot about how difficult it is to challenge things in our culture that we think are wrong without completely turning people off to the church and Christianity, and even to the core message of the gospel. I don't have a lot of answers at this point -- just questions, theories, and an underlying sadness.

At times like this, all I can think to do is to pray, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." But Lord... let me see it here on earth too.

Check out Scot McKnight's post and discussion on Piper's comments: "The Minneapolis Tornado and John Piper".

Another quote from Ruthless Trust - I've posted part of this quote already, but today the sentences after the part I quoted particularly hit me, so here goes:

The heart converted from mistrust to trust in the irreversible forgiveness of Jesus Christ is redeemed from the corrosive power of fear. The existential dread that salvation is reserved solely for the proper and pious, the nameless fear that we are predestined to backslide, the brooding pessimism that the good news of God's love is simply wishful thinking--all these combine to weave a thin membrane of distrust that keeps us in a chronic state of anxiety.

The decisive ... conversion from mistrust to trust--a conversion that must be renewed daily--is the moment of sovereign deliverance from the warehouse of worry. ~Manning, 7~

The phrase, "the nameless fear that we are predestined to backslide," particularly resonated with me today. I often experience that undercurrent of fear, hear whispers that say "I'm not following God well enough," "I'm not doing enough to cultivate my relationship with Him," "I used to be more faithful and more spiritual," "God is going to give up on me if I don't start working harder"... Those terrifying whispers haunt many of us, I suspect, creeping into the depths of our souls and instilling a chill where once there was warmth.

But these whispers are not the whispers of the Holy Spirit. God does not desire His children to live in constant anxiety that they will be cast out of His kingdom, un-adopted former heirs. When I think I am mistrusting myself, saying, "I'm not able to do this spiritual thing! I'm going to fail!" I am actually mistrusting the Lord, implying that my ability to go wrong trumps His ability "to keep [me] from stumbling and to present [me] before his glorious presence blameless and with great joy" (Jude 24).

It's a long road, this way of trust... but well worth the journey.

A poem I wish I'd written

"The Avowal"

As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest on air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall and float
in Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.

~Denise Levertov (in The Stream and the Sapphire)

Image found here.

Asking the Wrong Question

A lot of my close female friends are single -- and many of them are not extremely happy about that fact. As we get older, we've talked a lot about how hard it is for young Christian women to find the "right" guy, and we've ranted and lamented for hours on end.

I can't count how many times I've had girl friends ask the question, "What if God makes me be single forever!!" Or, putting it in a theological framework, "What if I'm called to singleness? Oh no, what if I have the GIFT OF SINGLENESS?!!" You'll have to imagine the horror with which Christian women often ask this question...

Putting aside the theological question about whether or not singleness is a spiritual gift (I'm not convinced), I read an interesting blog posting today on one of the few über-complementarian sites I follow. The woman makes a great point: when we ask, "Does God have singleness or marriage for me?" we are most likely asking the wrong question. Rather than agonize about this aspect of our futures, perhaps it is better "to just assume that God will give me the best wherever I am."

Now that's a gift we can count on.

STOP working on your relationship with God

Bet that title caught your attention, eh?

Today I read an excellent blog posting by Richard Beck, a professor at Abilene Christian University. Beck's article, titled, "The Bait and Switch of Contemporary Christianity", argues that contemporary Christians often substitute certain spiritual activities, such as having a daily quiet time, going to church, and reading religious books (things we consider "working on our relationship with God") in place of actually trying to live as a "decent human being." In other words, a lot of us Christians work on our relationship with God on our own through certain accepted spiritual methods but fail to actually be transformed inwardly by God through these methods.

I think Beck is scarily accurate. In fact, I highly recommend that you read his article in full (see above link). I have met Christians who are borderline obsessed with working harder at praying, reading Scripture, practicing spiritual disciplines - at practicing personal devotional piety - yet who are more concerned about themselves than about their neighbors. Yet in Scripture, active love for God and active love for neighbor are intricately connected! And in my experience, both kinds of love, while ultimately inspired in us by the Holy Spirit, must be worked at -- practiced -- just as we have to practice playing the piano or throwing a football.

Most likely, no Christian would deny that we are called to love other people. However, sometimes we have a blind spot when it comes to which is more important, "working on our relationship with God" or working on our relationships with our fellow human beings. God desires BOTH, and I truly believe that sometimes it is more pleasing to God for me to go spend time with another human being -- or even, as Beck suggests, to tip restaurant servers well -- than to pound out my relationship with God on my own, alone in my rooms. Remember Jesus' words (yes, I know they are out of context, but I think they still apply):

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-24).

Relating with human beings does not replace our personal devotion, but neither does personal devotion replace our relationships with our fellow human beings!

Image found at http://wordincarnate.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/13-pharisee.jpg.