I'm back... I think...

So....  it's been awhile since I've posted, eh?  Life has been full -- in a good way.  I'm hoping to get back to blogging (I know, every blogger says that... and then many of us disappear for a year again).  But really, I'm hopeful.

The wedding was amazing -- one of the best days of my life!  Here's one of our many pictures from the day:

Lately, I've been thinking through wrestling with some big questions.  I suppose they're abstract questions, but they have very concrete implications.  Questions like...

• What does it mean that God is the Healer?  How is it that we can pray, and pray, and pray for healing and not seem to see "results" -- or at least, the results we're looking for.  Does God desire to heal instantaneously, or does he heal primarily through non-miraculous means such as doctors, counselors, etc.?  This particular question has struck me over and over lately, particularly as I walk alongside several people who have chronic health problems.  "Lord, I know that you are the healer -- so why does it seem like you're not actually healing?"
• Why is life so hard, and why doesn't God make it better?  Maybe I'm losing my youthful idealism, I don't know -- but I'm certainly coming face to face with the fact that some things in life just stay hard, and some people seem to have a harder time than most.  Why have I been blessed with a wonderful relationship when others who long for it more than I did remain alone?  Why do terrible things keep happening to the same dear people?  Why doesn't God cut them a break?
• What difference does faith make in life?  Faith obviously doesn't make all our problems go away, guarantee that we won't get cancer, ensure that our loved ones will be protected from pain, etc.  I know the "right" answers here -- faith gives us hope, God sustains us, God provides, God delivers us -- but I'm wrestling with to what extent those truths I "know" correspond with what I see in the world.  

The bottom line is that there are a lot of things about God and about life that I've been taught through the years, and which I believe -- but there's a way in which I want these truths to become more real to me.  I want to believe with my whole heart that God is who I say he is, and who I've been taught he is.  It's a scary thing, to open up oneself to real questions like this -- but I trust that God will bring me through the questions into greater trust, and maybe even greater clarity.

It doesn't scare God when we wrestle with questions -- particularly when we include him in the dialogue.