Thinking Not Past Daily Bread

For some reason, I craved Scripture tonight. Maybe it was because I'd been glued to various entertainment-related screens for a good portion of the afternoon... For whatever reason, I needed something solid, something with depth, something that reached a deep place inside - even though I wasn't sure where exactly that place was located. In flipping through the New Testament (looking for a specific passage - I can't remember numbers for the life of me), I stumbled across exactly, exactly, exactly what I needed to read/hear from the Lord tonight.

You see, although it wasn't in the forefront of my mind tonight, I've been worried about... yep, you guessed it: money. Surprise, surprise. I've been praying and hoping and worrying about whether or not I can afford to continue working at my church as part-time staff, or whether I need to finally "grow up" and get a "real job." Music and church don't seem to count as "real jobs." I long to stay with the church community, doing the ministry I truly feel called to do - but is that simply naive? How do I know if staying here is a leap of faith or simply not being realistic? Lately, normal "life" matters of a few medical bills, needing (?) some new clothes, buying groceries, paying rent -- all those things have weighed upon me.

So tonight, this is the passage the Lord brought to me:

Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. [Ouch!] Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. [Living like that sounds amazing... I'm more likely to fear that trusting my heavenly Father to feed me will leave me hungry. And how does this relate to worldly wisdom about 401k's?] Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? [I don't really want to add hours. Now, if I could add dollars...]

"And why do you worry about clothes? [Because I feel exceptionally shabby lately!] See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you -- you of little faith? [Yep. That's me. I really do doubt. And I don't fully comprehend what it means to be more precious to God than a field lily.]

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' [What about 'How will I ever afford to pay off my school loans?'] For the pagans run after all these things [So true, the world is full of people working hard to take care of themselves, desperate to provide for their needs and wants by careful planning and hard work] and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

WHOA! Stop right there! "Your heavenly Father knows that you need them." Wow - it never hit me like that before. Tonight, something about that phrase grabbed me - God knows that I need these daily things. All the "But's" I add won't change that.

But here's the kicker, the verse that hit me once again tonight:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

If I am truly seeking after God's kingdom, seeking to follow Him and serve Him, He WILL provide for me. No conditionals here. Putting Him first is all that matters. That is not naivete: that is faith.

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!